Raising Confident Kids

What a topic! Many of you have asked how Rog and I raise our girls to be so confident – and my answer is: no clue!

We fail. We fail a lot. We fail forward. If you asked me to pick a few keys to helping our girls develop and maintain confidence, I would name these:

1. Talk about confidence. Talk about it daily: its importance, offering congratulations when they show it, and talking about growing it. We focus on confidence and we talk about it often. 

2. Practice confidence. Again, this is a daily habit. We put our confidence on repeat mode. They order food for themselves, go to the counter on their own, meet people, make eye contact, and practice their manners. We often say, “You can do this. This is good practice for you and for your confidence. Mom and Dad can’t do everything for you. You can do this yourself.” We build confidence through sports. We let them make mistakes with chores – laundry, mowing the lawn, blowing up tubes, packing tubes, and parking jet skis. 

3. Lead by example. This is a BIG one. As their parents, we must be confident in what we do. We must show confidence and practice confidence in front of the kids. I share with my kids when I’m feeling nervous; I tell them how confidence helps and what areas I’m building in my own life. I share books, podcasts, and blogs that help me to become a better version of myself, personally and professionally. I jump in a cold lake, I try 360 surfing, and I jump off cliffs – because they are watching!

4. Fail! We fail a lot. We celebrate failure and tell the girls that if they aren’t failing on a daily basis they aren’t trying hard enough. We encourage them not only to fail, but to fail faster. I tell them when I don’t get a speaking gig or don’t get a sale. They need to know that you, too, fail. This allows them to feel safe even when they fail. 

5. Big sister/role model. Our girls are 12, 10, and 3. Our older girls know that they provide an example for their little sister. They often exhibit bravery in order to help her and protect her because they want to be a person of strength for her. I wish this large, crazy age difference on every single family! The perspective that it offers is priceless. And yes, you guessed it: our three-year-old has the most confidence of all of us! Isn’t that the way it goes?!

6. Authenticity. We celebrate 100 percent authenticity – no fake BS in our house! Be you! Know your strengths, pour gas on those strengths, and don’t give a damn about the few weaknesses that you have. We grab on to the qualities that make each girl unique and shine a spotlight on them. We don’t want them to ever try to fit in. 

I'd love to hear from you! What are your tips?